So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
