I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
