Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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