I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
