There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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