I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
