I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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