I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
