It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I still have a little drunk in my system
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
