even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
did you just send me my own nude
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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