So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
