Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There was a lot of him and a little penis
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
