I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
