wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
