Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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