I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
