but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
