Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
