How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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