After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
