Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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