John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
