Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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