I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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