Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
