We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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