The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
