Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
