Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
