just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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