In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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