NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
