The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
