Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
