lets start a swedish sibling band together
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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