Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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