oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
