how can u be prego again
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
