So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
