Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
