my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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