if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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