Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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