Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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