I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
