I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
