I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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