you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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