i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm like, not good at living.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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