names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
