Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
