my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
