sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
