He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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