she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
