I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you guys were way drunker than both of me
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
