The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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