Nicole vs. Life
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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